Me Again...

As a Christian woman, trying to grow closer to the Father, mentor a 13 y/o young lady and grow into grace and truth with a husband who also shares the heritage of a decimated past, with many similarities to my own…I have developed a myriad of chronic problems.

Some of you would recognize these symptoms as the affliction coined fibromyalgia. Fibro (as some all too familiar with it say) is an autoimmune disease brought on by stress, environmental factors and trauma. Some believe it is a genetic mis-configuration. (Is that a word? Seems like one! :)

Or could it be something more akin to “Consequences Shrouded in Grace”… allowed by an Omniscient Loving Father as a result of these things stated above, examined below...or for reasons we haven't even yet figured on?

Could it be that He allows this -- as well as other afflictions -- to help us to grow up, grow beyond, and grow closer to Him, and our fellow sojourners on our pilgrimage through life as we know it?

This is one of the questions I have begun to ponder as of late. As I strive to grow and move beyond, I am getting small windows of insight and becoming more able to see things through different eyes which is bringing me closer to the Lord and is causing me to look -- open faced -- into His love and His desired purposes for my (and all of our) lives... and closer to the realization of the deep trenches of shame, regret, fear, bitterness and pain that often lie buried...the pain of seeing…with an open and vulnerable heart. The pain that my sin of self protection and keeping all at arms length trying to make sure that I'm safe has on other's lives.

~Meanwhile, I come to see that all the while I have inadvertently defrauded and stolen from so many others who I may have been able to reach or touch with His love...or encourage or share my hope with, if only I would have taken another path and not turned inward with the junk of my own past.

When we do this… I believe, many times, consequenses follow (the inward stuffing) and we become sick.

Our bodies cannot contain all of the toxic emotions we harbor. With some of us, our vessels are overflowing with toxicity by the time we begin grade school. This is a
tragedy, but unfortunately , the case for so many.

What do we do with all of the junk we carry through those years?…these things, one building upon the other till they become big and formidable elephants that situate themselves -- one day -- smack in the middle of our family's living room -- our family -- us -- our spouse -- and our children if we are so blessed.

--and the elephant!

Often, while trying to live our lives hindered by our pasts, we are trying to do everything outwardly ok… but not leaving the past baggage at the Fathers feet… where he bids us to leave it... for our own good.
~So here we go again, because we are full of fear... and shame in
the first place, we try to ignore the obvious, and make things work out anyway… while carrying this load around that hinders all of our best efforts in life.

Now, we know that surrendering our past hurts to the Father is an option (and a commandment), but the knowledge of this stops at the gate of our minds and never quite makes the journey down the path to our hearts where we would be
inspired to really do something about it!

So where does all of this junk go? (that we would/should have left at the Father’s feet)

~ I dare-say, it is shoved inward...

Stated another way, it goes underground, safe (or so we think) keeping us temporarily sheltered from this rogue pain.
However, this turmoil finds vent for itself one way or another...this is just the way it goes, and I think, many times it all comes out in the form of chronic illness.

How does God fit into this?
Well, it's obvious to some of you -- and others of you will have an intuition about what I might be getting at next. In any case...

You may ask: Consequences? A loving God doling out consequences for our having experienced pain and suffering?

No, not at all...but we do have consequences for our responses to the sin in this world... the sin that was inflicted upon us... and the sin we ourselves perpetrated in response to those people and sins.

I want to continue this...

but I think I'm gonna stop here this evening

and pick it back up in a day or two.

I would like to continue expounding on these thoughts.

Until when?
I have no idea. I'm letting the Lord lead in
this... and whatever happens and wherever it
goes, I'm there ;)

Please come back & join me on this
exploratory journey if you wish.

I’ll welcome you here... and it’ll encourage me as well… to
know God might have a word to share with
someone through this writing... a bit of hope
or solace maybe?

In any case, I wanted to share a video… to bring us to the end here, on
a lighter note ;)

This is what I had originally intended to post... I had thought I'd begin
posting about fibro, and more specifically, brain fog... but it ended up taking a
bit if a different direction... so I'm gonna keep going with it.

About the video…This guy is so
funny... as he just hits the nail right on the
head!… like I shared, the subject is "brain fog" or “memory
lapses”

More on that later but suffice it to say, on a practical (and humorous) note, it all looks something like this!...

click video below :)

And don't forget to turn off the music first!